Early School Memories

I started school at 4, the year before they made the 5 year old rules. I have always been the youngest in class both a blessing and a curse. My first school was St. Catherines. A private Catholic School Across from St Catherines church on Central in Phoenix AZ. Back when South Phoenix was a small town and had not yet been inundated with gangs and illegal activity. When there were acres and acres of flower gardens and orange groves as far as the I could see. When I lived there it was a great place to live. Haven't been to the old neighborhood in 20 years but I hear it is being reshaped again into upscale housing for the young and clueless with credit. What I remember most about St. Catherines was the chocolate buns they served for breakfast every morning. Fresh hot out of the oven and they were heavenly. Have never since tasted a Chocolate Bar as good as those nuns made. We went across the street to church on a daily basis. Anointed ourselves in holy water and said prayers to the God that ruled that beautiful Haunting Place. It was huge and I was so small, you could feel God in that church. This started a love of huge old ornate churches that has never failed me since. And also started a deep spiritual connection that I still feel today. On my birthday that year my father brought a pinata to the school and operated it so we could play. My father was a master Pinata Handler causing it to swoop and swerve. Much to the amusement of the troop of little girls in their uniforms on a cool October day. I can picture vividly the Ghosts of my childhood prancing across the asphalt waiting impatiently with lots of giggling and awe for our turn to swing the bat. I love Pinatas. For years I had an award I won at that school though I don't remember what skill I mastered to achieve it. It was a small plastic stand up plaque with a silver plastic virgin Mary set in blue velveteen. I can remember having it until I was 12 and then it became lost in my life somewhere. This school taught me how to read and gave me my most treasured lifelong joy and for that I thank them and of course for the chocolate donuts.

Then came the divorce, talk about something I hated that changed my life. I had to leave behind my pony which was cruel in the extreme but I had to leave behind my ducks Pato and Petunia as well as bunnies and chickens and the best ever backyard for catching Horny Toads. Well, and my Dad.

I was picked up from school very early in the year because I had not yet had my birthday. They took me home My Grandparents had the car loaded and my father was standing on the driveway. He hugged me very tight and told me goodbye, I didn't have the emotional capacity to understand what was going on and it was so sudden, I was shuffled into the car where I cried for most of the long car trip to California so that we could live with my grandparents. One of the things that I have learned in Life is that Fathers may come and Go but Grandma always stays the same. It is a comforting lesson.

School during this time is a blur, very different that St Catherines, It was a modern public school. The only two incidents I remember are watching a moon walk hushed and amazed with the rest of the class even in first grade we understood that history was in the making and what a phenomenal feat this was. The other is the teacher trying to teach us how to skip. I just didn't understand. Learned it later with ease but that teacher just totally confused me and skipping was not something I could manage.

We stayed in Pittsburg outside of San Francisco for a year It was a pleasant way to pass a divorce. We went from seeing our mother everyday to seeing her on nights and weekends. I would like to say we missed her but to be honest We had Grandma all day to ourselves and a huge house and cable TV and a swimming pool, pool table and a host of children my age scattered down the block of nice houses with cool toys. It was one of those last bastion neighborhoods. Upper Middle Class Circular Drive Ways with the occasional column not pretentious just stately and well designed. And did I mention that Grandma was a superb cook known for getting up in the morning and picking fresh apricots to make Apricot cobbler for breakfast. And there were strawberries and she could knit and crochet and was an excellent seamstress and hair Dresser.
She was an amazing woman, Very modern, Married 4 times, 2 of them died, Smoked 2 packs of camels unfiltered a day (which killed her in the end). At times she seemed very brittle, tall and very skinny all her life, I fear that for most of it she wasn't very happy. I think she was a perfect martyr on the cross of womanhood. I miss her terribly. The only place I see her now is in my dreams.

A year later we moved back to Phoenix, there was an attempted reconciliation. The house was not the same. My baby brothers room had been turned into a psychedelic black light room with all sorts fuzzy wall posters and pin ups of playboy centerfolds. I am guessing my father enjoyed his year off more than we did. But the Black Light was cool and I was almost 7 so I was beginning to understand cool. My mother insisted that she needed to go to work, my rather old fashioned father was not to keen on the idea. I don't remember really expecting them to stay together I don't think I expected anything anymore I became an observer who watched for the signs of the next great happening. I still exist in this capacity always watching life rarely fully participating and even when participating I am calculating the odds of various possibilities which shift through my brain. Very little of my life is unplanned or spontaneous, I plan for all contingencies so that I will never be caught by surprise again the way I was when they split up. Sometimes it is not really living.

Tribute to Keith and Virginia May

Momma May's Beans and Things - my second real job - Burger and bean joint in the husk of a very very old tiny Dairy Queen on 19th Ave in Phoenix. I believe it is now a strip mall. This was my second for real not paying me under the table job. My first was Duck and Decanter. (good Restaurant, Still one of my favorites - but I liked the first location best).

When I moved out of my house at fifteen I was working at momma mays, cleaning grills and training managers since I was not yet old enough to be one. Being of paranoid mind and body I bided my time before moving out so that I could do it properly. Worked out moms schedule so I could get my stuff out while mother was out of town plus I cleared it with the owners of Momma Mays so I could stay with them for a few months while I saved money for an apartment. Even Altered my birth certificate to make me old enough to get said apartment.

Looking back Keith and Virginia May were my first exposure to people who took in strays. Both were in their Mid Sixties. They had a big house next to the freeway. The land parcel used to be out in the country before the city grew up around it so both lot and house were large and accommodating. Virginia was also an excellent cook which is of course why she opened her own restaurant. Woman actually made butter beans I liked.
She also made the best Cinnamon rolls, Texas Sheet Cake and Potato Salad. To this day I still follow her cinnamon roll recipe for Christmas Morning breakfast.

Keith and Virginia were good church going people but they never complained once when I refused to go. Virginia's only complaint to me the entire time I lived there concerned John(Joshuas Father) and that she did not approve and that if I was her daughter this would not be going on. The going on of course was that we were fucking like bunnies in her house. This house is where Joshua was conceived. Not very polite on my part to their elderly sensibilities but I was 15. The very definition of young and stupid.

their Son lived there with them he was in his early 20s and lived in a trailer next to the house. He had a pet Owl, very cool. Spent long hours in his trailer discussing politics life & music (he was in a band) and he kept trying to get me into bed but I was virtuous and John was the only person I was will to cheat on the current boyfriend with. Had older men all my life try and get me in bed but at the time it never crossed my mind it is only looking back that I realize what they were after. Lucky for them I was naive and stupid and saved them from themselves.

I stayed about 3 months at their house. Don't remember doing many chores or even my own laundry. I do remember Virginia was much friendlier when I moved in than when I moved out. Imagine that, she tries to be nice and gets to wait on another child. I think she was trying to do the daughter thing as she had three boys. I am sure I was a disappointment. Most 15 year olds are.

While I was living there another Older man moved in An ex- Juvie Handler from Arizonas juvenile Prison System. A Drunk Who didn't think much of teenagers. From what I remember he was a friend of Keiths. Recovering Alcoholic on Antibuse to keep him from slipping.

He was the last manager I trained before they closed the restaurant. He hated kids, was mean and belligerent but after living with us for a few months he began to mellow and I think realize that not all kids are bad or that at least I wasn't that bad and could hold my own in an argument, Like that was ever in doubt.

After 3 months there attempting to save money and still not having enough, I lied to John and made him give me money so I could move into an apartment. I moved out of their house I am sure to their relief. And into and apartment of my own (another story another time). I never went back to the house and I don't think I ever saw Virginia again but I did see Keith several times over the next 6 months we would go to Dennys and he would slip me 20s. Okay I really only called him when I needed money.

I used them shamelessly because I was so young and stupid I had no shame. They on the other hand treated me honorably and gave me a home when I had no where else to go.

I never told them thank you and I doubt they are still alive. These two people without meaning too and without knowing that they had, taught me a great deal. My marriage is closer in atmosphere to theirs than it ever was to my parents and I bring home strays. The big difference is that I don't get as upset when they don't do squat. Because I remember myself and figure it is just punishment for my past failures. Besides it is fun to watch them as they grow up.

So here is to Keith and Virginia May - Great People who had a profound influence on my life which is still very evident today almost 25 years later. If you are alive and out there and have ever wondered if what you did that summer was worth the aggravation well it was and will continue to be so. All Because you helped one stupid girl.

Other beneficiaries of your ongoing example are

Pav- Ex Druggy Extraordinaire - Now art teacher and loving father of Milla
Tiffany - Saved from relationship with an abusive drunk - By my daughter
Lindsey - Given a home after parents ran out of room and because her step father didn't like her - Kicked out of her parents house during Christmas - Also brought home by my daughter.

All three of these lived with us over the years when we had large houses and all three took advantage of the situation. Of the 3 Pav is still my favorite and he is the one who spent the most time with us. As appropriate following of tradition his daughter was conceived in my house.

Now there is James and Tessa - I no longer have the place to house them but they are still benefiting from food and help. So on to their update. Lydia came up with an exceptional plan for Tessa. I pitched it and she was actually considering it. Right up to the point where she talked to her older sister who helped raise her and declared that she couldn't move that far away. The good news is that in order to prevent her from moving away they are now checking with their apt. complex to see if it is okay to let them stay there for a while. So with any luck this current ordeal will be over soon.
Thanks to all for input and options in particular Lydia who knows her way around the systems here in Corpus Much better than I do. And who is considerably more social than I.

I Here by declare July 12, to be Keith and Virginia May Day. On the Calendar of Brandy's World. Thanks for your kindness and your support. You done good.

10 Things I like About my Spouse

1.)Right now he is doing DISHES and LAUNDRY - And this is not an unusual occurence.

2.)He always takes out the trash without being asked. He kills bugs and lifts heavy stuff even if I am quite capable of doing it on my own & pays all the bills.

3.)He is always willing to defend my honor or my life or that of anyone else in the way of danger

4.)I like that he stands behind me and smiles when I dress in next to nothing and go out in public.

5.)I like the fact that his feet are always warm and that he offers them to me every night to abuse with my always cold ones.

6.)I like that he does not limit me or what I am able to accomplish should I set my mind to it.

7.)He opens doors to houses, cars and restaurants. Chivalry rests in his heart

8.)He doesn't laugh when I put out my arms and pretend that I am flying through the wind or at least not where I can see.

9.)He always offers me the last bite of any dessert especially chocolate

10.)On warm Memorial day weekends he sets up my pool and then watches me play naked until he molests me.

What more does a girl really need"

Dealing with addictions and people trying to control your life

(This memoriy was written in response to a friends problems with her mother.)

The closest story I have to this was my grandfather. He was a drunk the whole family knew he was a drunk but of course it wasn't polite to talk about it and you should have seen the griping out I got when I told the kids that their grandfather was a drunk but we love him anyway. I thought my mother would faint. Instead she just whined at me for saying those things to small children. Where as I think it is easier even for small children to deal with people who have problems if they have some understanding of what those problems are. Its that honesty with your children thing, always did get me into trouble.

After my grandmother inherited some money and retired with him to AZ his drinking became more pronounced I think he felt pushed aside in some manner because now he wasn't the one with the purse strings. He had always been a good provider but his life had it's own miseries and I can understand why he became a drunk though I think it started with the Manhattens after work socially and degraded from there. Both of them were sexually frustrated and from another era and this one did not make sense. He began to get worse and would start calling people in the family and screaming and yelling at them for whatever perceived wrongs they had committed . One time after I had filed bankruptcy I was yelled at for a good hour because I had not asked for money. (Had this strange Idea I should do things on my own, have gotten over this so people pleaase feel free to donate money) I had even managed to save the house they had loaned me the money for and keep it out of the bankruptcy. I thought I had done pretty good. I got upset, cried, felt guilty the whole nine yards everytime this would happen, my mother just got more upset but then I think he had more buttons to push with her and called her more frequently. I tried talking the family into an intervention etc... no it was not possible it was not polite yayaya. After a while I realized that I was letting his problem control me and I had to stop. The next time he called I argued back which accomplished nothing as arguing with a drunk is a waste of time. Finally I did the best thing I could. I told him that unless he was going to be civil I was going to hang up the phone. He ranted - I told him that I love him but that I was not going to talk to him any more when he was drunk, he ranted - I hung up - He called back I told him to call me when he was sober and that I loved him and hung up. The madder he got the calmer I became and the less it bothered me.

You can't change your mother but you shouldn't lie for her either. Not to her and not to yourself. When she calls after hours, smile and say mother you have to call during the day. I love you but because we have 4 kids here I can't have you calling at this hour so why don't you call me tomorrow and hang up. If she starts lying and ranting tell her that if she is not prepared to be truthful and talk civilliy then you will have to hang up and then do it. Suggest she go for counseling and that you will be glad to take her. Do it with a smile realizing that while you can not fix her you can stop the control she has over your life and emotions and trust me reading your rants she stills has lots of buttons you let her push. You can love people without letting their problems into your life. The most likely thing that will happen if you follow these tips is that she will quit calling until she is ready to be sane and when that happens you will be there for her.

Teriyaki Chicken

Brandys New Famous Recipe - Easy and fast

Portion amounts depend on how many you want to feed - adjust accordingly

Melt Butter in Skillet toss in Chicken breast tenders.
I buy the big bags of them at the store
Skillet size and amount of chicken are negotiable
Make sure you have enough butter to brown all chicken well

Once browned chop into bite size pieces in the skillet with spatula

Pour in Teriyaki sauce from Buffalo Wild Wings Bar and Grill
(Best sauce I have ever found in 2 decades of searching)For those of you without one close by the link below will let you buy it off the web."
Buffalo Wild Wings Sauces
Pour in enough sauces to coat al the chicken and leave it a little drippy
Addition to sauce are Whatever you have on hand.
Tonight I used crushed pineapple, orange juice, honey and a little juice from my bottle of sliced ginger. Small amounts of each to taste

Other things that may be added are
Onions, Portabello Mushrooms, Red and yellow peppers,broccoli, Water Chestnuts
Sesame seeds and anything else you may like or nothing depending on your taste

Serve over rice or on buns with melted cheese

Food and Memories

My belly is very very full

Caved in and ate a comfort meal from my childhood. Creamed Chip Beef on toast. or SOS as they know it in the military. Incredibly fattening but Ohhhh So Good. Foods from my childhood are always the best and there are very few that I have ere made as well as my mother but I am gaining on her as I grow older. I find I do many things better as I grow older. Things like laundry, I don't see that I do anything different than I did when I was 18 but they come out cleaner and fresher not sure why Maybe its just the magic of old age. Thanksgiving dinner is another thing that does better with practice. Food makes it to the table all at the same time properly cooked. When I was younger it seemed so overwhelming. Cooking so many dishes with one oven. This is the miracle of Microwaves and better planning.

When I was a child my mother used to make candied apples with me . Real ones with the homemade cook on the stove type candy. They were incredible. I know they still sell the stuff to make them but my teeth would probably not appreciate it. Some things are better when enjoyed young.

She also made a mean fried SPAM Sandwich. Haven't eaten SPAM in years due to unwillingness to deal with the scorn of my family. Yes I do know what's in it but it still tasted good.

Holidays were always good, she worked and there were times a child could feel ignored but mostly it was childhood selfishness. My mother made sure every holiday was remembered. An avid Hallmark customer There was always a little something for small holidays like valentines. A card , A stuffed animal, Candy hearts in their signature pink box. Christmas cookies were cut with hundreds of different shapes from the cutter collection she amassed. Trays full of goodies at holiday open houses. Champagne and wine flowing, Good cheer all around. I grew to disdain her holiday flamboyancy, I yearned for the simple, the quiet, the less than 100 of her closest friend, but I marvel at her talents. The ability to create a party and actually have people enjoy it. I can't do it I am too locked into my private world to ever let that many people in. For all her faults and excess she brought to my life many experiences great and small that were magic in my mind.

Brunches at the Biltmore Eating shrimp omelets with mimosas staring at the old weathered Gold Leaf Ceiling Imagining the fortunes it must contain. The eyes of a 7 year old eating in the splendor of a mythic castle.

Tea at the Ritz. Tea in a fancy hotel in Boston. The greatest present my mother ever gave me was a 4 day trip to Boston. She had a conference and a hotel room with two beds. Located in Downtown Boston she spent her days in meeting while I spent mine wandering around the city a young mother of two on her own in the big city with no one to answer to. I may have been 21-22 at the time. It was a freeing experience. I love History and I feel the ghosts of the future and the past. Boston is thick with both and it was like walking through a haze watching all of its incarnations pass before me. Nights and time off were spent Eating in incredible restaurants, Visiting sites and in general just being together. I love my mother when we are alone. But she is very different people just as I am. There is the person she is today and the person she is with them, I like best the person she is with me.

Friendships Part 1

Throughout my life I have had very few friends, there were many acquaintances but few true friends. There were the childhood friends - My best friend Michelle who lived next door, Harry across the street, I believe a girl named Debbie and one other whose name I can't recall. Michelle and I would play in the mud under the palm tree which ruled the yard where the house boundaries met the street. The tree provided shade in the summer and a place for us to sit on the curb in the middle of tree mess and open our crackerjack boxes to find the surprises inside. I have not seen this person in 30 years but we now share a sister I have never met from an affair my father had when I was young. The last I heard Michelle had AIDS. I don't know if she is even alive. But she was my first best friend.

Harry the boy across the street was my first love. During our early years this was he boy I played show me with and who gave me my first kiss when I was 5. I remember the show- me incident not by what I saw or happened but by the fact that my mother evil wench that she was made me take a nap instead of going swimming. Man was she cruel. My relationship with Harry was a soft sort of courtship who have with the boy next door - Completely innocent to the end there were hours of playing Risk and other board games on the ragged carpet of his bedroom floor. Of climbing orange trees and creating adventures in our minds. The others are only alive on the edges of my memories and I can not recall our times together. Except for the one time we all banded together and walked to the store to steal chocolate bars. For which we were of course caught and forced to return said chocolate with money and apology.

I remember a girl named Bobbie during my Barbie Years 2-3 grade we spent the night at eachothers houses admiring the collections of frilly doll accessories we had aquired.
And another girl named Tracy whose parents worked for the Airlines so she was always getting fancy gifts and lived in a plush looking apartment, but her parents were never there.

In Highschool there were various people I considered friend who I lost to time. I am positive my memories are happier than reality so I choose to live blind. Jr. High & High school friends always had motives. There were agendas and drama so little of it seems real.

there was Kris, and Kathy, and Libbey She was probably the closest friend I had in Jr.High.
I knew her for years before my parents let it slip that they thought her mother was a Lesbian and even at 12 I couldn't figure out what the big deal was. I had spent numerous night there and other than her mothers friend being a rather strict type of person it never once crossed my mind that they were sleeping together even though I knew they slept in the same bed. I don't think I was really a stupid child but it mattered so little in my life I never questioned it.

Kathy was the first woman I ever had a sexual experience with, it was peaceful and exciting all at the same time. Kris was a member of our church she shared my first concert with me. We went with a boy named Scott who was the dreamboat in my eyes. I was a lowly 12 and he was 15, the older man who I thought I could capture. I am sure he only went because my mother bought him a free ticket to the Eagles Concert. But I knew it was love.

I have had trouble with Crystals in my life- not sure why but had ended up on the wrong side of a few who at least said they were friend yet turned out to be one of those dramatic stab in the back sort of friends. I generally get rid of those when they show their true colors but sometimes they lie very well.

A dragon named Brandy

There once was a dragon named Brandy.
She kept all the knights around, handy.
She'd huff and she'd puff and blow lots of smoke.
She'd try to make flames, but that was a joke.
Then one day the Faerie, she dropped by the cave.
She said, 'I'm not scared - I'm extremely brave.'
'Get out of my home!' shouted green scaly Brandy,
'Or I'll melt you dumb fairy - like sunbaked candy!'
Said Faerie, so full of herself and her magic and stuff,
'You can't make flame. All you can make is black billowy fluff.'
So Brandy did snort and sniff and strut.
She hunched up her back and stuck out her butt.
She inhaled and exhaled and drew a deep breath.
She swelled up all purple and looked quite near death.
The knights all shook and wrung their big hands.
The Faerie, she laughed and danced, as if to a band.
Than Brandy let loose with a great big loud sigh.
The Faerie was gone, just a small pile of ashes . . . without a goodbye.


posted by Dona at 4/25/2004 12:07:55 AM"

White Trash Gourmet Chicken

Love this meal, current favorite at both my house and my daughters. Little effort but great food

Ingredients: Chicken- I prefer Boneless white meat chicken tenders, (mainly because no one else but me in the family will eat any meat with bones)(yes they are really spoiled) but wings and other cheaper versions of chicken can be used. - Schlotsky's Sauce purchased from Schlotsky's Sandwich Sauce (spelling may be wrong) Other Cayenne Pepper sauces may also be used. Honey, Butter - Use real butter anything else just makes it cheaper and it will not be as good. Frozen French Fries - I use the large cut steak fries but whatever you choose will be fine. And last but not least Cheese - lots and lots of cheese. I use a colby-jack mix but any will do."

Instrux - Melt butter in pan big enough to hold how ever much chicken you are cooking. I use 1/2 a stick for a small batch - a full stick for larger batches. Needs to have lots of butter you want it to be saucy. Brown chicken in butter until it is nice and golden and cooked. (I use the giant bags of frozen tenders , I prefer the chicken to be almost shredded but I am too lazy to cut it up and I throw them in frozen then after they have browned and cooked I beat them to death with the edge of a spatula cutting them into little pieces. ) If using wings or other chicken with bones omit the beating to death part.

Once chicken is started, cook your french fries so that they will actually be done at the same time chicken is. Follow directions on bag. I bake the fries as my an attempt to offset the butter. You only need one good fat source in a meal and butter tastes better than oil.

Once chicken is cooked pour Pepper sauce over the top (lots of sauce, straight from the bottle, again you want it drippy.) Next squirt honey into the pan and mix it all together. The wimpier your family is the moe honey you will want to use to offset the spice. I use very little but then I am a a fire breathing dragon.

When the french fries are cooked arrange nicely (I prefer a mounded star pattern with the ends sticking out from under the chicken) on plate cover with a generous portion of the shredded chicken, smother in cheese. Pop in the microwave for a few seconds to melt it all together and serve plate by plate.

Meal takes maybe 20 minutes to cook and tastes great

I prefer to eat the mess with my fingers and adding some sort of dipping sauce. Both ranch and blue cheese dipping sauces work well and can be purchased at the store or begged from the local wing shop if you know one that has a sauce you like. I always get extra sauces when I eat somewhere for future use in my own cooking.

My favorite additions to this mix are portabello mushrooms and onions but it depends on who is eating it and what I have in the house. If you don't have french fries Noodles poured into the mix with a little added whipping cream is also nummy.

Try not to clutter it with veggies, that makes it way to healthy and it doesn't taste near as good. As long as you bake the fries the butter is the only really bad thing in it. Cheese doesn't count as cheese is one of those foods of the gods and should be used liberally, just ask atkins(Its a protein man, really). Sauce is basically non-fat until you start dipping

Compulsive behavior 101

Does anyone else out there plan events down to conversations they will have in each and every circumstance that might happen at any given event. I hate social events I don't know what to say and to be honest don't usually care what most other people have to say. Nobody wants to have interesting discussions it is all just polite drivel and how much can you truly get to know someone in the 2 hours you have to be at a social event. Ugh They give me the willies. Not to mention the fact that my party planning skills are zilch unless all you want me to do is cook and maybe serve. I will even wear those cute little French maid outfits if I don't have to actually mingle. Since I don't know what to say I just sit and reel through conversations in my head and the more people the more conversations I have to have with myself get me into too many people and I just shut down look stupid and hang out at the buffet. It can be very exhausting and that is before I actually arrive and then there is making sure everything is done, luckily for this baby shower I will have my mother, you never think you are going to want your mother a a party when your young but then you grow up and realize what an ass you were growing up and that it is truly amazing that your parents let you live and didn't send you off to a nunnery somewhere. Back to my mother. She will be here and will save the day as usual, thank God because I do want the party to be nice. Children shouldn't have to suffer because of their parents phobias and I am quite capable of spending an afternoon with people I don't know and probably won't see again for at least a year if not longer, because they are family, and I suppose being family they will have to come to understand that really I am just a lunatic they haven't locked up yet and maybe just maybe they will grow to love me for the space cadet I truly am.
Everybody thinks I don't want the party because I don't like the family, I don't even know the family how could I not like them. My world where I am comfortable consist of a window looking out onto the rest of the earth, I have been looking through that window for a long time, very rarely do I go out it and sometime when I go out it is fun and happy and the world is a good place but then there are the other times when I feel like a shadow wandering through the masses never looked upon and only seen through the corner of your eye. And then there are those times when 22 years with my husband shows through and I say things I really really shouldn't. These happen more and more the older I get.

Kites

I remember the kites of my youth well. One of my earliest coherent memories is of a neighborhood kite and rubber band airplane extravaganza. I was probably about 4 or 5 and my mother said this only happened once so she doesn't know why I remember it but it was an awesome day. The neighborhood was 1 block from Central and baseline at the foot of the South Mountains in Phoenix. (This area was the boonies at that time mostly orchards and commercial flower gardens.) Our street was only one block long. It was a beautiful spring weekend and everybody had their kites out. A whole Armada of colors flew in the sky. I had a wind up balsa Airplane (I still love that thing) we all ran up and down the streets working hard to get the kites to fly in Phoenix's airless sky. It was a cotton Candy sort of day. The type usually found only in movies, the ones you can't imagine having in real life that make you look back upon your childhood as if it were a dream and wishing you could escape back there. As I grew older I learned how to make my own kites, Treasures made from old newspapers dowels rods, and some torn up sheets tied together for a tail. The longer the tail the better it flew. I can still remember other visions of kite flying only by the kites, I have no idea where I was flying them just the kites.

Mishaps - When I was 9 my Stepfather bought this huge Box kite kit and after building it he took all of us out to a field and we let it fly, It was high in the air when he asked me if I want to take over. Being a kid who wanted more than anything to fly the kite I took it, unfortunately the kite was only a wee bit smaller than I was and had the wind in its wake I let go. It flew higher and father that I thought possible. Took over an hour to find it but find it we did. I don't really remember how I acted that day probably my usual smart mouth self but that brash young exterior hid a child who was very truly sorry for letting go and was infinitely happy when the kite was found. The hunt became an adventure in its own right.

There is a farm in Oklahoma that wore the tattered remnants of a Huge shark in a tree that the children let capture it.
I have had dragons large and small, trick kites short and wide but the kites of my childhood held together by elmers glue and bits of wood and string are by far still my favorites.

To this day kites can pull me back into my childhood mind, that happy carefree place where birds talk to me from their branches, meadows are magical and I will never grow up.

Memories of raising children

Emily was kicking up a storm today in Aprils belly. Pregnancy is still amazing to me. That something so perfect can grow inside you and then turn into a human being sounds like something out of a fantasy novel. Its been fun to watch. Very glad I am not having any more of my own. Don't even feel the slightest urge to have more children anymore. I like my nice quiet peaceful adult life. Kids are fun to play with but walking around naked and being able to go to the bathroom by yourself (occasionally) is just as good if not better as you get older. Must be a hormone thing. When I was young and Stupid I wanted 7 Kids, 1 for each day of the week. After two Les got fixed and I really didn't want him too. I would have liked at least one more, now I am sooooo glad that he did. I loved being pregnant and I loved nursing but once they passed six months they weren't much fun for me until they were about 10.

I was a mean mother they did every chore in the house starting when they were 4 years old. I started them on bathrooms, Give a can of scrubbing bubbles and a wash cloth to a child and tell them to spray it everywhere and they think it is fun at least for the first few time. I never paid an allowance because work is something you do as part of a family. Their curfew was 10pm until they were 16 and 11PM until they moved out. I see no reason why a parent who has to go to work the next morning should have to stay up to worry about a kid. For most of their childhood they did not have cable and for a large part there was no TV at all. There was no soda there was no candy except for special occasions and holidays. I moved them to a farm when they were 12 and 9, 5 miles from the nearest town. I made them buy their own cars and pay for all their own expenses and insurance. They have both had jobs since they were 14 and worked in the family business before that. They have both survived all my harshness and done well, Hubby and I are amazed at times that they turned out so good when we were such rotten children from such screwed up families ourselves. There were times when I was too harsh. Third grade when Joshua was paddled every night because he wouldn't behave in school and other things that happened in a spur of Madness of whatever he had done at the moment. They was no explicit privacy, as long as they lived in my house and didn't pay rent I could walk into their rooms at any time and it damn well was going to be kept clean (this worked better with josh than April) I was not perfect, not by a long shot but I did try.

The things I did give them were honesty and support and unconditional Love and homemade food. I never lied to them about life and never believed any of this touchy feely self esteem crap. When I told them their grandfather was a drunk and proceeded to explain drunkenness and spousal abuse to my young children my mother came unglued. I tried to make sure they had the information they needed to grow up. There were never any taboo subjects in our house, sex, drugs, etc.. We discussed it all at such a young age there was never any feeling of embarrassment for any of us. At ten I gave Josh his first book on sex - Sexually transmitted Diseases and what you need to know.- Even I hadn't know advanced syphilis could look so bad. The book made its point and my son always practiced safe sex. I told them that if they ran away I would hunt them down and drag them home because they weren't getting out that easy, I told them if they joined a gang I would kill all the gang members and they would have nothing to belong to. I told them if they were ever strung out on drugs I would tie them up in the basement until they understood that wasn't allowed and became human again. And my all time favorite "Go ahead and call child protective services - But make sure you pack because I won't be the one moving.

I taught them honor and solidarity. To respect people who earned it and to not be anyone's pawn just because they are older, richer or hold some powerful position. I taught them to love their country in all its glory not just the rhetoric you hear today. That being an American meant you could questions the laws, that you didn't have o stand up for the pledge, go to public school or do anything just because someone wanted you to. I thought them to respect the government within its constitutional limits and to question those who abused their power. I taught them that there is in the end family, and then there is everybody else. And that family does not have to be blood but that we choose our true family as we grow. I taught them the difference between reality and fiction. I taught them how to shoot a gun, so that they would know the damage they can cause. I taught them that there is in the end no excuse and that they must take responsibility for all their own actions because I was not willing to shoulder them blame.

I gave them so many lectures (my favorite form of punishment) that they have them numbered in their heads and they know what mom and dad would think of anything they would ever try to do, or as my son summed it up after the columbine shooting when a shrink stopped him in a mall to ask him how he felt about it all. "If I did something like that my parents would stand inline to kick my ass" And he was correct.

The best three rules of parenting I ever learned are these
1. Never pick a fight you can't win
2. Have consistent rules that end in walls so that they hit something and know it when they mess up
3. Be brutally honest to yourself and them - give them reason they will understand and grow from for things you want done

Example - It is always a good thing to know where your kids are but parents are afraid to ask because the kids do their silly you don't trust me routine. Okay so maybe we don't always trust them but there are valid reason for knowing where someone is, even as an adult I rarely go anywhere that someone doesn't know about. The easiest and most honest reason you can give a child in this case and have them readily accept is that it is not a matter of trust it is a matter of emergency. If for example your father has a heart attack I need to know where you are in order to find you before I go to the hospital. (Even when my children were 16 & 17 years old I still required name address and phone number of where they were going to be)

Early Childhood Memories

I have been thinking about using this space to record memories, maybe someday my children will run across it and find me hidden away in these bits and pieces of nonsense that I record intermittently in my cyber brain pad. Things like the things I remember most from childhood and perhaps thanks to the people who raised me for giving me the various qualities that make me alive. My. Favorite early memories are riding the horses with my parents. We had two horses, my mothers named copperbell and my fathers named KIngfish. King fish was a huge black horse. Stallion in my young mind. The earliest pictures of me on the horse are when I was about 1 and while I do not remember that excact day I do remember many others. The pasture where they were kept was located at the foot of South mountain in Phoenix. We irrigated it monthly and I just loved playing in the knee deep water, Which as I think of it now must have been chock full of horseshit, but that never registered with my child's mind. The irrigation came out of a cement mount at the back of the field and I used this as a small slide. The cool water running down my summer tanned thighs.

Other days we would ride the horses up the mountain. I would be mounted in front of my father, my favorite place to ride and I remember an intense feeling of comfort, warm snuggling into my fathers white t-shirt. There was a small store built of stone at the foot of the mountain where we would stop during every trip for refreshments. You remember Astro Pops Those sharp pointy long lollipop with the spiral colors and the wax base. If you sucked on them just right you could stretch the end and create curled designs with the pointy tip. Writing about it now reminds me of how sharp those things were. We weren't allowed to run with sissors but we always ran with those things in our mouth. I don't remember much of the actual rides other than the store and the ongoing presence of cactus and scrub brush. The desert is pretty in its way but it is rough everywhere, I prefer soft forests filled with moss nowadays. My parents had friends that lived up in the mountains I believe the lady's name was Barbara. They had this triangular leather chair that I always got to sit on inside their mountain home. The seat had Indian designs and it always made me feel important. Like I was sharing some ancient secret with the mountain. I believe this house is where I received my first true scare but I can't remember the exact location. The man who lived there took me into the back room of the house and gave me a penny. The lights were dim and off the top of dresser he took a small black box. He told me to put the penny on the square when I did what he asked this skeletal hand came creeping out and snatched the penny away I jumped and screamed and it stayed with me for years even after I discovered it was just a harmless Halloween toy.

In addition to the horses I was surrounded my other animals when I was young, My first dog was Choo Choo and then the was Gigi my grandmothers dog that lived fro most of my young life. Their were the rabbits who kept breeding and eating their young. This was one of those hush hush things with the adults in the house but even at 2 or 3 I was stupid when something was there one day and they are all gone the next you know something happened no matter what your parents try to dish out to keep from upsetting you. In addition we had cats, chickens and of course horny toads and lizards.
But I must admit the crowning moment of my childhood was getting a pony for my 5th birthday. A beautiful Shetland named butterfly all brown and tan and entirely mine. I rode her in parades and up the mountain. My Nino also gave me a pair of handmade silver spurs to where on my cowboy boots. I still have the spurs but I lost the horse in the divorce.

While I would have preferred to keep both the horse and my father I have to thank them both but especially my father for my love of the outdoors and my love and fearlessness of most animals.

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